The hardest part about growing up, is figuring out how to go throughout life without being scared.
I spent many years of
my life studying the Buddha and all the different paths he took throughout his
life in order to perfect, essentially, “growing up.” He lived out his childhood
and most of his adolescence in lavish quarters, decorated with all the finest
things. Anything he ever could have wanted was at his fingertips. It was not
until he stepped out into the real world, or, “life,” that he realized
everything was not as easy and perfect as it seemed.
Are we not all like
the Buddha in this? Do we not, also, go through childhood and most of
adolescence in our own comfortable bubble of blissful ignorance? Like the
Buddha, it takes most of us stepping out into the real world, declaring our
independence from our families, and seeing what life is really like, to realize
that life - and death - are out there and they are scary!
After this
realization, the Buddha was deeply disturbed and did not know what to do.
He decided to renounce everything that he had known: the wealth, clothes,
even food and nourishment that he had grown accustomed to. He took up
meditation and would sit beneath the banyan trees and meditate as the hours
turned to days. He withdrew into himself and lived within his mind.
I relate to the Buddha
in his disturbed reaction to what life is really like. Though I have never
gone so far as to renounce my clothes and daily nourishment, I relate in the
sense that I also withdrew into myself and within my mind, unable to cope with
this new “life” that I was supposed to somehow assimilate into.
It took the Buddha a
great while, but eventually he realized he could not completely renounce
everything, nor live in his comfortable bubble from childhood. He would have to
find a “middle path.” Later, the Buddha went on to achieve Enlightenment.
I’m still at that
withdrawn point in my life, too wrapped up in my own mind, or, more
accurately, too wrapped up in my fears and anxiety. I have every piece of the
“middle path” surrounding me, but I’m too afraid to reach out and grab hold of
it all. I’m too afraid to fail at life.
Then I try to focus my
mind on another one of my favorite things about the Buddha: the art of letting
go. The more I go through this life, the more I realize I have absolutely no
control and I need to stop acting as if I do. The more you try to control
something, the less control you really have. Life really is about blind faith.
We might all have faith in something different, but I believe in the Universe
and its harmony and Oneness. I have to learn to trust that the Universe has
given me everything I need for my “middle path,” my Enlightenment.
